0:01 And now, The Shaping Truth Podcast with Jim Scalfani. The what? I bashed my finger in the door. I, in the, I like, it was in the, the door from here, I put in the door jam. It's the, it's the stupidest thing.0:25 It was a stupid I mean, I jack it hurt so bad. It took me 20 minutes to not I mean, I was rolling on the floor. It hurts so bad. And I, I didn't think I had to go to the hospital or anything. But I couldn't catch my breath. And I'm like, this is crazy. Like anyway, can you turn up your mic or not? Do I need to?0:53 You seem a little lower than normal. How do I turn it up? You go into settings. You go to where it says sound. Go to sound. Go to input. All right. It'll show like a slider. All right. So let me see settings. Settings. Is it on this page? What? Is it on this page? No, on your Mac.01:19 Oh, Mac. Yeah. Go to the dock bar. All right. Bottom or wherever you put it. Okay. Do I, can I just change? Can you still see me? Yeah. All right. All right. So go to the settings. Then go to sound. Hold on. Hold on. Go faster. Settings. Okay. Sound. Let me just type in sound. There it is. Sound. Okay. Okay. Then choose input. It may be toggled.01:49 See with the two tabs, input, output? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Use input. It'll show that your microphone on your Mac is selected. Well, I'm not. No, I'm using an external microphone. I mean, oh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm using the Mac input. Yeah. I'll make it better. Is that better? Yeah, there is a slider in there. No. It's not? Is it showing that it's better? No.02:17 um yeah actually you sound a little bit better yes it's all the way use ambient noise check one check two you can hear me okay yeah you're fine i just wanted to sound balanced like we're both talking and it kind of a good no you sound fine so you know this this shirt right here02:43 The shirt? Yeah. You've seen me wear it. I have this shirt. I have it in cream color and I have it in black. Is it three buttons or all the way down button? No, it's a Henley. Right. Oh, a Henley. No, a Henley is like a style of shirt. I call it a polo. The buttons are polos also. No. When it's two or three buttons, it's still a polo.03:13 I don't think that's right. Why does everybody live to argue? No, no, no. It's not. It's so not about that. Wait, wait, wait. Let me finish. Let me finish. The reason why I'm arguing is because it has nothing to do with you. It's, have I been saying it wrong? And if I've been saying it wrong, I want to change it. I don't care. Well, if so, I've been saying it wrong my whole life. Definition of polo...03:40 shirt i've always thought a polo shirt didn't have buttons just ask google for polo pictures i'm doing it i'm doing a polo shirt is a short sleeve collared knit shirt typically from cotton cotton blend or performance fabric um click on okay hold on hold on hold on featuring a placket neckline with two or three buttons and sometimes a small pocket oh it's like the 1950s04:07 But it's a short sleeve. Wait, no, it doesn't. Well, yes, you're right. It combines the softness of a t-shirt with the structure of a dress shirt. And it's often worn untucked for casual or business casual. Okay. All right. Either way, if you pull it over your head and it's got a few buttons, well, if it has a few buttons, I call it a polo. What's the difference between a...04:36 Henley and below shirt. $50? No, I don't think it's the price. How much is that shirt? $10. I got it at Walmart, which is my point. I got it the week I was hired in 05. Really? I wear it every week.05:01 It's comfortable, huh? Huh? Wait, the fact that it looks exactly the same. It looks exactly the same. Okay. That says something for Walmart quality. It's not all bad. No, no. Well, in 05, I don't know. Everybody that was there in 05 is gone by now, right? Yeah, pretty much. The difference between a Henley and a Polo shirt, collar, the Polo has a soft collar. The Henley has no collar.05:32 No collar. Oh, that's true. Neckline, two or three buttons, two to five buttons, but no collar. Okay, that's a difference. I don't think I've ever seen five buttons. Yeah, I think I have one. Okay. Fabric, usually knit. Oh, usually jersey. This is jersey. Oh, no, this isn't jersey. It's a jersey knit cotton. Yeah, it's that. Formality, not the same origin, derived from polo and tennis uniforms.06:00 The Henley derived from 19th century workwear and rowing uniforms. So the polo is clean, slightly preppy or athletic. So the Henley is short and long, right? It doesn't. It doesn't say sleeve. Henley likes to feel more laid back, closer to a T-shirt with buttoned neckline.06:28 But it's not because of... Are we keeping this in on the conversation? What? Or am I chopping this part off? No, I mean, they can fast forward through. I think it's important. Someone out there may go, oh my God, I never knew what I... I don't know. Okay. That's fine. I just want to know. So when I'm editing, I don't... No, no. Only edit stuff that, you know, is private. You know, but... I mean, part of it is to get people to see you as like...06:56 You know, a part of you that people... I love my camera. But how much are you moving around? Exactly what you're saying. It keeps my face in the center. All right. So, like, if you were to lean on your chair like this, just a little bit, it would move if you had this camera. It would keep you centered. Because you think... I guess if you're, like, cooking, right? You're cooking. It's different.07:25 Well, if I'm cooking, it follows me through the kitchen. Right, that makes sense. So if I run to the refrigerator, it will follow me. Yeah, that makes sense, right? So it's like having a cameraman. Yeah, but you don't need it for these types of things. No, no, but Charles' monitor does that too. Oh, it does? It's not a camera. It's a monitor camera. Like a $5,000 monitor from Apple. Oh, really? Something stupid.07:55 yeah i think he bought it when he bought the studio oh okay the camera moves with him so what focuses and all that so what are some questions that people have asked you and we're not going to go into the answers but has anybody ever asked you a question where you're like in an interview and you're like oh i'm not going to answer that or08:21 You're surprised, and you can't answer it, but you're surprised someone asked that. Because I'm surprised when someone asks a question. I'm like, no one's ever asked that before. Usually, I won't answer questions about other YouTubers out of respect. Yeah. Yeah, you ask me, what do you think of so-and-so? You know what? We're not here to talk about so-and-so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. So I don't look for that. I don't think...08:46 I mean, I don't watch YouTube, dude. I literally don't. Yeah. I don't have time. I'd love to, but I don't have time. I used to watch those ghost YouTubers. Ghost shows? Oh, Paranormal? All those. I loved it. And then I was like, I watched one of them and09:15 then I watched them lie. And I just what I was watching it. And I was like, they're lying. I mean, I can see. And so then I went back and I looked at a couple of other shows and I was like, Oh, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm like, okay. I just, I just stopped watching them. Cause I'm like, okay, they're BS. Have you watched the, what is it? Super?09:46 The two guys, the paranormal, super paranormal, something like that. I've watched all of them. Supernatural or something like that. I don't know. But I just thought, because I'm like, because it's just, I just think, you know, I can't trust that it's real. So, you know, anyway, then, oh, there was something else I was going to ask you. But if it's not about that, if someone was like, like, like,10:14 I know how you did in school, but how do you think you did in school? How do you think if you were, I'll tell you exactly how I did. I was really smart. Yeah. I only gave them C work.10:27 Yeah, you were really smart. You were really smart. You were in advanced classes. Yeah, but I would give you a C. Put me in dumbbell English, I'd give you a C. Yeah. But was that conscious or what? I never thought of you as lazy. No, I only did...10:46 Just enough to get by. Was that conscious? Like in high school? Yeah, it was laziness. In high school, everybody's like, get me out of here. It's the worst. For a guy, especially. Did you go, I'm not going to do this? Or you're like, oh...11:10 I'm just going to do the very minimum to get by. Me, I struggle. That's how I thought right there. You did. Let's see. If I don't do this report, I'll still pass. Really? Yes. Because you knew you were smart. That's why. Well, I didn't freaking want to do it. It was all dumb stuff.11:28 All of it. Do you know that you know you were smart? Because most people don't think that about themselves. They think they're, as they get older, they're like, oh, I know what I'm talking about. But when they're young, you thought you were smart. Like Kennedy, okay? Yeah. I would literally wake up earlier than everybody else, and I would walk to school to be there by 5.30 a.m.11:58 because the computers were brand new. The only computer on campus, first come first serve. So I would get there at 5.30. Was there a line? What? Was there a line?12:14 Oh, no, no. Nobody was stupid enough to... So why 5.30? Why not 6 or 6.30? Because the teacher unlocked his door at 5.30. And you wanted the maximum time. I wanted to be first one in. Every day you did this? Every day. I got on the... It was the Apple I computer. I remember. Do you... Do you know...12:41 Okay, so we'll back up. I don't want to say that because I don't know that. I haven't established that yet. So let's back up. So you're, it's what, seventh grade you started? And you started going to that computer class? No, it was ninth grade. Ninth grade, okay. Right, ninth grade. Okay. And that makes sense, right? Time-wise. You go there every day and you're getting smarter. Now, you had friends. I don't remember you not having friends. No, I mean...13:09 Because all my friends, all the people I knew, they liked you. They thought you were fun. That's the kind of friends I had, not people I hung out with. I didn't do life with people, but I knew everybody. Does that make sense? Yeah. But did that bother you? You're like, yeah, you're cool. Oh, yeah, it bothered me. I'd eat alone in the library every day.13:32 I would bring my sack lunch to the library because I didn't have anybody I hung out with. I knew everybody. But you didn't do life together. You didn't ask, hey, let's have lunch or... No, that's lame. Nobody asked to sit. You get invited or you just eat somewhere else. Your friends, remember, your friends would call you over and then you start sitting there.14:02 didn't i didn't become i didn't become a normal person until after high school so i don't know that high school i had a few people that would like you know like a few and i mean literally two or three in the entire school that would call me over and go hey you can say school was painful for you so like that's14:26 That's why I hated it. Okay. But your experience was you just hated it. So like, I'm not, I don't want to put my shit on you. You had a very different experience, but you didn't get, you weren't chased from school all the way home. You weren't like, people weren't like threatening to kill you or, you know, well, like I did get bullied. I was forced to do people's homework. Oh, you were.14:54 Oh, yeah. I literally stood up to the biggest kid in school and told him to his face in front of everybody, I'm never doing work for you again. But you were tough. You were like a fighter. I wasn't a fighter. You were. Wait, I've only fought twice in my life, dude. But the perception was nobody thought of you as someone that was wimpy or pushed around.15:21 No, I was like the class clown guy. Yeah, but like, so like, for example, so you stood up to this guy and you said, and what, did he hit you? He was going to beat me up. People circled around. Yeah. And I said, if you hit me, I was logical because I was way smarter than that idiot. Yeah. And I said, if you hit me, you're going to get a reputation of beating up little kids.15:50 Kids that are smaller than you. Do you want that? He shared? Yeah, he did. Because everybody around started going, leave him alone. They jumped in. And they started saying stuff on my behalf. Because I stood up to them. People like you. I wasn't a jerk. But, I don't know. School was weird. I wasn't in the clique. You changed...16:20 You changed after high school. You went from kind of a sweeter, kind of an innocent from high school, and by the time you were out of high school, it was a whole different ballgame. You were a different ballgame. Yeah, when I turned 18, two things happened. One, I started DJing nightclubs, which made me cool. Yeah. All my old high school friends would come to the club. Right.16:47 and they'd see me in the dj booth yeah that was kind of cool and then i made a commitment to be straight with women so i mean if they're beautiful not that i want anything17:02 sorry you mean straight you don't mean gay or straight you mean straight no i mean direct honest yeah okay yeah honest those are different right blunt or honest no oh yeah well exactly you can be honest and quiet i was honest and in your face i didn't care what you thought i walked up to a girl why why what what made you say i'm going to be this different person17:29 Um, probably because I was tired of not having a girlfriend. And you thought, oh, I didn't go. Didn't you have a girlfriend at high school at all? Okay. I've kissed a girl before. Yeah. Yeah. But I never had a girlfriend till after graduation. Okay. So you were like, okay, I've never had a girlfriend in high school. Not being honest, not being direct, not being. Oh, you equated it to that. Yes.17:58 So I began telling women, look, you're beautiful. I don't want anything. I don't want to go out with you. But you're beautiful and you need to know it. And then to walk away. I did this to like five ladies. Was the thought like, hey, I'm so nervous and careful around women. I still don't have a girlfriend. I'm at least going to be honest and just be and tell them what I think. Exactly. That's the exact thought of the thought.18:26 Yeah, yeah. I mean, and it changed. Totally. When I started to be outspoken, honest, straightforward, not holding back anything, it totally changed. I was DJing nightclubs. I was talking to women all the time. It changed. Everything, the atmosphere changed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then things fell into place. But while you were in high school...18:57 Did you think of yourself as someone who was shy or quiet or funny? Like, how did you think of yourself? All of that. I was shy. I was quiet. You thought of yourself as shy? I wasn't, but I think people perceive me to be. That still doesn't answer my question. What? You thought of yourself as shy? No.19:21 Okay. I didn't, but I believed others thought I was. Okay. Well, I don't care, but did you believe they were right? No. Okay. Okay. So shy is not even, I just believe they didn't know who I was. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, but did you believe you were quiet?19:41 Uh, no, not at all. No, I was a big mouth, loud mouth. All right. So I'm going to get quiet and shy off the table because that's not who you are. So how did you see yourself? You thought of yourself as funny. I know you did. I remember that. I thought of myself as funny and smart. That's it. Yeah. But I didn't see myself as sociable. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Sociable. Yeah. That's the word. Okay. I did not feel that.20:10 I didn't know what that was like. I didn't know what it was to be with the popular kids, the band kids. But did you go to dances or concerts or football games? Okay, so dances were a big part of my growing up. I would go to dances, ask girls to dance. They'd say no, and I'd go home crying. You'd go home crying? Yeah. Oh, ask mom? Well, mom's not around anymore, but...20:40 Did you just say ask mom? I would tell you to ask mom because she was there when I come home. So you'd go home and cry? I didn't know that. Yeah, I would start crying before I got home. I hated that. I just hated that. Why do you think that they said no? Because you weren't heavy.21:08 Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know because I have no idea. I don't know. Really? Because school kids were just... No, they're brutal. They're brutal to everybody. You don't know that at the time. Right. And we're not going to get into...21:29 your experience equals my experience because a 10 in your life is still a 10 in my life. And at that level or that type of perspective, they're exactly the same. When we both know, if we laid it out side by side, people would pick, they'd rather live your life versus my life in high school. But my point is...21:55 Those sad points is the reason I flipped the switch. Is the reason my whole, I'm done standing in the corner. How many times, how many, and this isn't to dwell on it, but I want to get a perspective. How many times did you cry? Like a couple of times? Or like you're like, oh my God, what? I think I went to 10 dances in high school altogether. And you cried every time?22:20 They all went the same. No, no, but you cried every time? Stupidly, I would go back. But you see now in retrospect, that's not stupid, right? I mean, do you? I mean, like...22:34 Why are you laughing? Why are you smiling? Because it sucks. It's sad for a kid. But the fact that you got knocked down is not cool. But the fact that you got back up, it's never about getting knocked down. It's about how you try to recover. That's the story. Right. But I feel stupid for going back a second time. Wait.22:55 if you're telling the story from the perspective of yourself back then, then you're like, oh my God, I felt so stupid. But as you talk to yourself as an adult, years and years later, you're like,23:08 That was resilient. We call that resilient in the real world. I call it stupid. No, but you don't now. What made me think it would be different? But, Jack, wouldn't you want your son or grandson or wouldn't you want them to, like, get back up and try again? What are you going to say? No, just quit. Like, wouldn't it really hurt? Oh, no, of course I would. Okay, so you've got to say. I didn't say the story to get sympathy from anybody.23:34 But it was a huge – I'm totally different now. It was a huge reason I'm totally different. But my point of – I don't think you're telling the story because I'm the one probing. You didn't say, hey, I have a story. Let's talk about – Right, right. Okay. So my point is now that you're older and you look back at yourself, you get to almost read –23:59 define it you get to you get to say no it wasn't stupid it was really resilient right i mean like never said that no i know i'm asking you to go i'm asking you go there no no i get what you're saying yeah but i never looked back at myself and realized the positive in it can you do that now is what i'm saying oh yeah can you see that now i think i'm glad that stuff happened because i like who i am now yeah yeah yeah do you24:29 Oh, yeah. I'm not questioning it. Oh, no, I'm very confident in whatever I do. I have fun in life, what I'm doing. Yeah. I've come to a point where others don't, it's not that they don't matter, but they don't direct where my life goes. They don't determine your self-worth. I really believe high school made me that way. That's all.24:55 So it made me. So you do kind of subconsciously think that it was a positive experience, net, net. Yes, absolutely. I believe later on in life I became better because of the punishment I took in school. Good or bad, psychological, emotional, whatever. You call it punishment, not bully? Because it wasn't really punishment.25:22 Well, there was a lot of different things. Like, there was a bully, only like one or two bullies, maybe. But there was not being accepted in groups, not being asked to be a part of anything, not being picked. But didn't you wrestle? In my head, you wrestled and were on the wrestling team. Like, I mean, I mean, like, right? I mean, you were on the wrestling team. No, no, I was on the team.25:50 But I never got to compete for the school. You never wrestled? No, I was a benchwarmer, basically. But for wrestling. Yeah, but from my perspective, it's way better than what I did. No, no, don't get me wrong. Yeah. Wrestling was a good experience. Yeah. Overall. Was it humiliating always being on the bench? No, I did wrestle twice. Oh, okay.26:19 And I got wiped out. Oh, was that rough? The reason I got wiped out, not because I didn't know what to do. It's because I was heavier than what I should have been. So it put me with bigger kids. Oh. So it wasn't a good, but it wasn't why I am who I am today. No, no, I know. I get that. But I mean, look.26:44 See, I always see it, again, from my perspective. The fact that you tried out, you made it. I mean, really, if I look at all these stories, it's all these little bits and pieces of you getting back up. Possibly? No, not possibly. Tell me where I'm wrong. When did you go, I quit? The bits you're talking about is what makes me27:15 And I mean, even as we see later in life, you know, when you get knocked down by something, you know, knocks you down. You get back up. You get back up. You have a stroke. You're like, oh, well, we've been here before. We push through. Like Charles always said, we have VHDs and failure.27:42 All of us. I love my dear brother, and I know you do too, but how did y'all fail? Just walk me through that. I'll tell you how we failed. You ready? The video game failed. The music sampler failed. But he was ahead of his time. Right, right, right. The problem is it wasn't him, but he was a part of the failure. It went bad. I guess...28:12 I guess from Charles' really lovely life, yeah, that's a horrible failure. Oh, I know. I'm just saying the projects he did. I did it. Went in the crapper. I get it. I mean, from his perspective. They all were good projects. Look, from his perspective, that was his 10. But he always said, he goes, you know what?28:34 Scalfani boys have PhDs in failure, but he meant it in a positive way because he believes, like I do, every failure is closer to success. I believe that wholeheartedly. You've stumbled, I've stumbled, he's stumbled, totally different ways. But every time we came back, it was better.29:02 And at the time you were doing it, though, what made you get up? You went back to the dance 10 times. I know. Determination. Determination. Hopefully it'll be different. But what did you say? But what was the conversation? You didn't go, I'm a determined young man. I mean, what was the conversation that happened inside your head?29:31 i don't remember it's been so long ago okay i don't recall the conversation i had with myself yeah but it was oh i know what it was it was the desire for it to be different to be different no it was the desire for the experience to be different oh oh got it it has to be different this time29:55 Yeah, so I would go back to the dance. Yeah, you're like, it's got to be different. It's hiring a different outcome, and it never changed. Wait, not that you explained it. Hold on. I'm saying it wrong. I'm echoing it back incorrectly. You're saying I want it to be different. No, I expected it to be different. Oh, you did? Yes. Wow. Every time I went back. What is that?30:19 What is that like? There's a confidence in that. I mean, do you mean? Let me give you an example of how silly they can take you down to a child. Yeah, but I don't, but wait, wait. I don't want, I don't see it as being silly, though. You're saying, oh, kind of stupid. I kind of like it thinking, Jack, that's really cool. You were like, you gotta, you're pulling it, and what I'm saying is there was a strength, there's a strength in that30:49 That's why I wanted to get really down to it. It's like telling somebody, hey, you've been punched in the face 10 times. It's getting tougher. You know, your face is building up. Yeah, but the person was painful. I know. I know. I'm not saying it wasn't painful. But at that age, you're not looking at the strength. Right. Of course not. But now we can look at it. And the way even you're narrating it is not really accurate.31:15 Like, you're narrating it from the perspective of yourself back then, where you're like, well, I expect it to be different. Like, that is a really optimistic person. That's someone that's like, of course it's going to get better. Like, last time it was worse. I know it's going to be better. Like, you didn't even... It didn't get any worse, so it can only get better. Like, that's not a Scalfani trait.31:46 Well, that's not a Stalfani trade. Can you picture Chal saying that? No, I can't even picture Chal going once. But he was like, can you picture Chal going, oh, I knew it was going to get better. I just knew it. No, he thinks it's going to get worse. He just prepared differently.32:05 Right. Totally different. You're like, oh, it's going to get, the positiveness, I don't think that's a word, but the positiveness of it is like, it's kind of like, where did that come from? Like, mom didn't have that. Well, my thought process was this. If I see better with other people, then I know I can have it.32:33 Oh, because, you know, it exists. It's out there. He's got a girlfriend. I know it can happen. He's dancing. I know I can go and dance. So that's kind of amazing in itself because you didn't once, I'm sure you didn't once, but you didn't say, I don't deserve it. I can't do it. It'll never happen. Oh, I'd never go back if I said that.33:01 I know now you, as an adult, looking back, you can... But then you were like, that didn't even enter your brain. No. Wait, no. Let's stay there for a second. That group of understanding and thought from a high schooler's perspective is amazing. High schoolers don't have that sense of I...33:29 subconsciously they're like, I deserve it. Like I am worth it. Like you're like, you were, and I don't think the reason I bring that up is because I don't think even within the family that you get the credit for being the optimist, strong, of course this can be different. Like that's still,33:57 I mean, you play a sarcastic, negative person in the family, but that's not who you are. You're like, oh, I'm going to get up. You're not like, you never throw in the towel. You never throw in the towel. Well, I never expected failure, ever. I go into everything expecting success. And you know that's different for me and Charles. I didn't know it was different. I didn't know how you were like that or not. I don't.34:26 I'm so past negative, I don't even think about success. And when I do get it, I don't even realize it because I have never defined it. Let me give you an example. I know you get a job selling shoes. Don't care you, Jack Jr., whoever. I know that's going to be the best shoe salesman. Period. Period.34:55 whatever a Scalfani does, like Jack Jr. says, he'll have the best car watch. He's already with the mindset of, we're going to be the best-selling car watch. We're going to be number one in the whole company. Jack, you think Charles and I have that same... You think the drive... No. You don't ask the question. We all three say the same thing.35:26 But the origin and why we say it is very different, right? For me, and I don't know Chal, let me just get, I'll pretend to get in Chal's head for a minute. For Chal, I think it's like, he won't be a failure. Like he's, that's, he refuses. For you, for you, you're like, I only see a positive path.35:54 right right for me it's if i don't i'm going to die it's very different but we all say the same thing like i right you know but you know we both all three of us i mean have built up that thought process however each of us thinks over time yeah but yours and i and i'm36:20 I'm giving you, I wanna give you the credit because it's really not, it's not the norm for someone young. You were like, well, I'm gonna get back in there because I know it's gonna be better. Like, I just, I didn't, I don't think I ever had the thought of, oh, it's gonna be, oh, it's gonna be better. I'm like, I expected not to be better.36:51 I just want to recover and handle this shit better. I don't expect it. If I see somebody do something, I expect to be able to do it. Period. Howard Stern. I grew up listening to Howard Stern. I expect it to be as good as him.37:12 I expected if he can do it, I can do it. I'm going that way. Period. That's the way it is. I'm going to be a morning DJ. I didn't think I'd be in the middle of the country. But, you know, I knew I felt that positive about whatever I tried. So I think it's so funny because we, in the family, we often define you as37:44 you know, kind of a complainer as a kid, right? As that kid weeding, like my feet hurt, I'm tired, can I get a glass of water? And that's not kind of how you evolved in high school. You know what's funny? Even weeding, I did sea work. I did just what mom needed us to do.38:11 I was like, if I can get across the line, I'm done, I'm done. But when you got out of high school, you were like, I only expect A's.